Diving In

Here is some background information that will help shape this whole insane situation. I started journaling a few days after my diagnosis

February: Darin and I find out we are pregnant with baby #2!

Early June: I meet with an OB in my group about weirdness happening with my right boob during a prenatal exam. I was told to wait until my regular OB returns to get her take on the situation.

Mid/Late June: I meet with my regular OB (whom I absolutely love and would move her into my home if I could) and I can tell that something is wrong by her reaction. She orders a biopsy to be done with a breast surgeon and tells me that it will take about 3 weeks because the surgeon is very busy. A sick feeling in my stomach begins to grow.

Late June: The surgeon's office calls and I'm told that they have moved people around to squeeze me in.

1st week of July: I meet with my surgeon and we discuss possibilities of the infected area. As I am leaving the surgeon's office, she grabs me by the shoulder and looks me dead center in the eye and says, "I'm sorry." It is this moment where a chill is sent down my spine and I realize that on some unrecognizable level that I have cancer. I have a biopsy done and then go home to research a form of nipple cancer called Paget's Disease. (In researching I find that I hold every possible symptom for Paget's. Awesome.)

4th of July: I sit at my sister's house and watch my family swim in the pool. I can't talk or interact with anyone and just sit and zone out because I have a sick feeling that something bad is happening. The morbid thoughts keep coming and I can't even convince myself that I am overreacting, because I already know what's coming my way.

July 5th: I have a terrible nightmare that I am told over the phone that I have breast cancer. Drenched in sweat (like, soaking through the sheets kind of sweat) I wake up with fear looming over me. My heart is racing and I am having trouble catching my breath. Darin is sound asleep next to me- I am glad he doesn't wake up.

July 6th: My nightmare comes true, I am told over the phone that I have breast cancer...

It is here, that I will start to share my series of journals that I kept once I received the news. The beginning is pretty dark for both myself and my family as we tried to navigate this whole crazy situation, but it does lighten up.

So...without further interruption-let's dive in!